Disappointment

I had to cancel our January trip to Iceland this week.

I was so disappointed and disheartened.

I rarely get excited about things but I was so looking forward to our first trip to another European country. I was ecstatic at the chance to see the Aurora in all its shining glory and on my birthday!

But Brandon doesn't have his passport yet. He hasn't even gotten all the paperwork to submit his paperwork and I knew that we would be heavily relying on chance to get it on time.

I'm frustrated with him because of his procrastination. Friends told him to get his passport done when he got here. I told him he should get it done when I was getting mine done. And here we are... No passport and a canceled trip that I was very much looking forward to.

I'm trying not to let bitterness and resentment cause me to be angry with him. Iceland will still be there next year. Although, if I'm teaching next year it will be harder to get away and it most likely won't happen on my birthday...

I'm embarrassed that I told friends, family, and Instagram that we were going and now we are not. I'm jealous that friends who were planning to go around the same time will still be going and I will have to listen to their stories, drive them to the airport, watch their dogs, and see their photos all while knowing we could be experiencing the same thing.

I'm disappointed. I'm bummed. I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed.

I know it isn't the end of the world and that this is a small blip on our plans. I know that we will plan another trip and could possibly do two trips for the cost of Iceland. But I'm still sad.

I'm afraid his passport will show up in time and I will regret canceling the trip. I know it wasn't worth the risk and I know how lucky we were to be able to get a full refund when canceling. But if it shows up in time, I might just lose it.

I know all this comes from a very privileged place but I need to wallow in my feelings for a bit and be frustrated with my husband.

Iceland was in my grip and it was pulled from my fingertips and it's okay for me to be sad about it for a while.

Book Club: The Night Tiger

I started a book club.

It was a lot of work finding women who were interested and nearby in creating a group that's focus would be on a different book each month. I used Bumble BFF to find them and had to weed through flaky unresponsive people to find the five women plus me that will make up our group. After I chose the first book (we will rotate so everyone gets a chance to choose), we finally met up at my home this Saturday to get to know one another, chat about the book, and eat the large spread I put out. 

It was so interesting getting to know everyone and even though the conversation got off topic a bit, we had some really great conversations about The Night Tiger by Yangsze Choo.

This book contained everything you could look for in a book. I understand why it was chosen as a book club favorite: it has romance, murder, mystery, and supernatural elements. Everything anyone could have ever wanted.

I spent most of the book really trying to figure out how the author was going to tie in all the various plots, murders, and mysteries that came up. A consensus that our group came to was that we were disappointed by the lack of connection in the end. We were disappointed that it didn't all tie neatly together but I think that is also what makes this novel interesting and unique compared to other mystery-like books. For once, I hadn't figured out the end of the novel halfway through the book and I appreciated that it did totally surprise me.

I, personally, loved the characters in the novel although one group member had a great dislike for Shin but I found that the characters all had a sense of realness to them that you don't always find in other novels. They all had varying and interesting points of views, unique voices and perspectives, and relatable flaws that made them feel more like real characters. Often, I'm disappointed in character development in novels but I found that I really enjoyed all the characters in this one. 

One thing I didn't like about the novel was the ambiguity of the supernatural and death. The author never really confirms the legends, myths, and dreamlike death world that readers experience and that left me feeling a bit unsettled. The book was focused on realism with supernatural elements and I really wanted confirmation on the author's perspective of what was true and what wasn't. That doesn't come and I think it is left open-ended for each reader to decide what they believe is true.

Overall, I found this to be an interesting and engaging novel with characters that felt real and mostly had believable motivations. I would definitely recommend it as a book club book as we all had a lot of opinions and things to say about it. I felt like it was a good choice, to begin with. 

I have to include a picture of a bit of the spread I made that night. I was so excited to create a beautiful cheese board for the first time and I must say, I think I did a great job. I ended up having so much food that I used several different boards (plus a veggie platter and homemade bread). I had a lot of leftover cheese at the end but it won't go bad in my home. 

It was a lovely night full of getting to know one another, connection, and literature. This is exactly what I was looking for when I started this group and I hope it continues as long as I live here. 

Oxford

When I got to England I was eager to see so much of this tiny country and I was willing to drive to make it happen. My husband isn't a fan of long drives but he's willing to sit in the passenger seat as I navigate and find my way to wherever I want to explore. Oxford was truly lovely and I know that we only got to see a piece of it. A tip for anyone else traveling to Oxford, use their park and ride bus system. Or at least look for a large car park before leaving the house. We ended up street parking and had to go back every two hours to put more money in which really put a cramp in our plans. 

Even with the terrible parking situation, we were able to walk through the city, see parts of the university, library, the Bridge of Sighs, and visit the Oxford University Museum of Natural History (which is free and very cool by the way!). There are so many more museums and sights that I want to see next time we visit Oxford but this was a beautiful introduction to a piece of English History on a warm summer Saturday. 

Thankful

It is officially the first of November. The time when many Americans start reflecting on the things that they are thankful for in their lives. I don't want to be a basic person who hashtag's blessed at every opportunity but I must say that I am feeling more and more thankful for this life of mine.

Photo by Toa Heftiba

More than at any point in my life, happiness has been sinking into my pores. I don't think I have ever felt more confident and happy with myself in my adult life. Even at this weight. Even being unemployed. Even when I fail.

I have been falling in love with this country. I've never felt so connected with a place since we've been living this nomadic military life and I'm already feeling deep sadness at having to leave even though it won't be for years.

I have been feeling more and more creative. Working on projects, printables, and writing. I've never had the creative bug bite me like this before.

I've been feeling connected. I've made some friends. I've started a book club. My social life has never felt this good. This may just be a season right now but I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

A job opportunity has cropped up. I have an interview next week. It's for a substitute position. At a High School (I am K-8 certified) but I will be back in the classroom learning and gaining experience and adding some important income and fulfillment to my life.

Brandon and I are good. We will never be perfect because perfect couples don't exist but we are happy. He makes me laugh every day and I miss him when he's not around. Things are so much better than they are bad and I'm grateful. Marriage is full of seasons and they aren't always easy but right now, things are good and happy.

Our home is cozy and warm and full of the things I love. It's located in a tiny village that I love and feel very connected with. It might be in the middle of nowhere with terrible roads but it is ours and I am so enamored with it.

I'm even grateful for the little things like good wine, slow cups of tea and coffee, Autumn scented candles, homemade bread, and good cheese.

I've never asked for much in my life. I want to travel, have good friends, and do something that adds meaning to my life while enjoying the journey with my person.

For the first time, I feel like I'm on the right track to having everything I ever wanted.

London

What can you say about London? One of the most beautiful iconic European cities. It is steeped in history, culture, royalty, and modern amenities all at the same time. I have dreamed of being in London my entire life. And it lived up to all my dreams. 

The first thing we did when we arrived (a quick two-hour car drive on a Saturday with absolutely no traffic), was go to the Tower of London. I have been obsessed with Tudor history my entire life and getting to stand in the place where Anne Boleyn spent her coronation night and then fatefully later, put her head to rest on the chopping block was humbling and enthralling. Some suggestions for the Tower: buy your tickets ahead of time. I was going to do this but the website I was on said they didn't accept mobile tickets. This is a lie. They do and you will save yourself some money and a lot of time in the queue if you just buy ahead of time. You can thank me later. Another suggestion is to definitely do the tour that is offered if you get there at the right time. Our tour group was huge but the guide was funny and entertaining and refreshed my memory on tower history (also check out the documentary on Netflix for even more history facts). 

After we had spent a good chunk of time at the tower, it was time to explore the rest of the city and make our way toward the real reason Brandon wanted to come to London: CocoIchibanya. This Japanese curry restaurant is huge in Japan and we fell in love with it while living in Okinawa. We walked an hour through the city (we still aren't knowledgable about the tube system and we need to figure it out) just to get to the restaurant. It was a fast tiring walk but it was so interesting to walk along the River Thames and see the pieces of London that I've never seen in tourist spots. When we got to the restaurant, there was a line and a forty-five-minute wait out the door. The only restaurant around that had one but we were going to have our curry. The only people in line seemed to be Asian people and American military. It was worth every minute of waiting (although some benches outside would have been great). The curry wasn't quite as good as the stuff in Okinawa but it scratched the itch.

After we ate, we wandered around the West End and China Town as we walked toward Buckingham Palace. Our feet were screaming by this point but I wanted to at least see the palace before we trekked back to the car and drove home. We enjoyed getting to be tourists: taking selfies and talking about the Queen before we finally walked back through the city at dusk. We came across Westminster Abbey and Big Ben but were disappointed to see that they were under construction and not very photogenic at the moment. I have plans to go back and tour Westminster at some point.

By the time we made it back to the Tower, it was dark and mostly deserted. We stood by the river's edge for a moment, taking in the cool air and the city lights and I was already aching to come back to this beautiful city. How lucky I am to live so close. 

Cambridge

I've been putting off sharing some of the lovely cities that we've been to in England so far and I'm not sure why. One of the first places Brandon took me when I arrived was Cambridge. The university town that is known for producing famous scientists and beautiful architecture. 

Speaking of architecture, I'm going to express an unpopular opinion. 

Cambridge is prettier than London. Gasp! I said it. 

Cambridge, with it's centuries-old buildings, punting on the river (boats with someone standing and paddling with a long pole that reaches the river bed), and cobblestone streets, is just one of the most captivating old places I've ever seen. This isn't the modern city of London and it is lovely. Cambridge is the place I would take any guests looking to see something quintessentially European. 

I know I haven't seen enough of Cambridge and with it being so close, I know many more day trips will come. One day I will figure out how to take decent photos with my iPhone (that maybe don't have cars and taxis blocking the shot). 

Jane Austen House Museum

Earlier this month I was browsing the internet looking for things in the UK to do within driving distance for a day trip. I love being able to drive a few hours away and explore a new city or area. During my research, I found the Jane Austen House Museum. A museum set in the house that Jane spent much of her life and did most of her writing before passing in her forties. I knew right away that I wanted to visit. I'm not going to say that I'm an avid fan of her writing as I've only read Pride and Prejudice and Emma but I love both of those pieces and she was such an amazing historical woman that I had to visit the museum. Of course, I also love old houses so that was the icing on the cake.

The only problem was that I knew that Brandon would have no interest in driving that far for a museum of a literary figure that he doesn't care about. So I asked a new friend and their little daughter to join me. I'm not used to traveling with children but their little girl is one of the best-behaved kids and so sweet. I've really taken to her any time we're around them. It was also a good opportunity for me to get to know this new friend better as we were stuck in the car for so long. Thankfully, we talked the entire time and learned a lot about one another. I also learned that I am highly distracted while having a conversation and have a harder time following the GPS. A few wrong turns might have ensued. 

The museum is nestled into the tiny village of Chawton, Alton. This town was so quaint. The trees were beginning to turn yellow and orange as Autumn approached and the old buildings were full of old-English charm. I wish I had taken more pictures of the village but we were traveling with a toddler and it began to rain later in the day. 

When we arrived, we were starving and made our way to this enchanting tea shop called Cassandra's Cup. You must stop in for some tea at least but if you're hungry, their cranberry bacon brie panini is to die for. I also had a chai tea latte that was very good. 

After lunch, we walked across the street to the museum. It is nine pounds to get into the museum but the ticket is good for a year so you can always come back if you wish. I don't think it would be worth coming back for unless you were with someone new or you didn't live far away but it is an option if you keep your ticket. The gardens outside were so pretty. Thankfully it was sunny when we arrived so we got to see them in all their glory before the rain set in.

The actual inside of the house is not very large at all. So it should be a rather quick trip as you walk through the creaking home and read about Jane Austen and her family. Make sure to watch the video that plays in a building off of the back garden before touring the house as it will give you a bit of history about where all she had lived, her family life, her life in the house, and her death. This museum is the only Jane Austen sight that is open to visitors so it is a special place. 

Jane Austen's writing desk

A lock of Jane Austen's hair

When we were finished walking around the house and grounds, set off down the road towards St. Nicholas Church where Austen's mother and sister are buried. The church itself is stunning like most churches in England.

There is another large home that you can tour while you're in the area and Jane Austen's resting place isn't far away at the Winchester Cathedral (it was closed the day we went) so there are plenty of things to do in the area to make a day of it. Unfortunately, we left later, had a child with us, and ran into accident traffic around London that made our trip an extra hour long. We spent a lot of time in the car on this trip but it was fun to get away during the week and see a piece of history.