Disappointment

I had to cancel our January trip to Iceland this week.

I was so disappointed and disheartened.

I rarely get excited about things but I was so looking forward to our first trip to another European country. I was ecstatic at the chance to see the Aurora in all its shining glory and on my birthday!

But Brandon doesn't have his passport yet. He hasn't even gotten all the paperwork to submit his paperwork and I knew that we would be heavily relying on chance to get it on time.

I'm frustrated with him because of his procrastination. Friends told him to get his passport done when he got here. I told him he should get it done when I was getting mine done. And here we are... No passport and a canceled trip that I was very much looking forward to.

I'm trying not to let bitterness and resentment cause me to be angry with him. Iceland will still be there next year. Although, if I'm teaching next year it will be harder to get away and it most likely won't happen on my birthday...

I'm embarrassed that I told friends, family, and Instagram that we were going and now we are not. I'm jealous that friends who were planning to go around the same time will still be going and I will have to listen to their stories, drive them to the airport, watch their dogs, and see their photos all while knowing we could be experiencing the same thing.

I'm disappointed. I'm bummed. I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed.

I know it isn't the end of the world and that this is a small blip on our plans. I know that we will plan another trip and could possibly do two trips for the cost of Iceland. But I'm still sad.

I'm afraid his passport will show up in time and I will regret canceling the trip. I know it wasn't worth the risk and I know how lucky we were to be able to get a full refund when canceling. But if it shows up in time, I might just lose it.

I know all this comes from a very privileged place but I need to wallow in my feelings for a bit and be frustrated with my husband.

Iceland was in my grip and it was pulled from my fingertips and it's okay for me to be sad about it for a while.