Days Like This

Isn't it interesting how one day we can feel like the laziest least productive hopeless version of ourselves and then wake up the next morning feeling hopeful, energized, and productive? The full range of human emotion amazes me sometimes. It never fits in with my perfect every day idealistic lifestyle that I try to achieve. It frustrates me that something is so easy one day and so damn difficult the next. It makes it so hard to be the ideal best version of myself.

Deep inside I know that there is no such thing as the ideal best version of myself but I spend so much of the time in my head thinking about future me and how she'll have her shit together. But human emotion, hormones, relationships, and life, in general, don't account for idealistic perfect versions of ourselves.

I'm waiting for the day when that really hits home for me. When I truly understand that I will never be perfect. I will always sometimes be the things I hate about myself and will always sometimes be the things I love about myself. That the human condition is to be the best and worst versions of ourselves. Cognitively I know that to be true but in the day-to-day application? I fail greatly. My heart is still holding out for the perfect version of myself to come true. To visualize my higher self and become her.

I'm not saying it's impossible to improve myself. But I do think that I need to stop visualizing perfection and maybe just visualize making life and day-to-day decisions as the best most magnanimous kind version of myself.

And hopefully, that best version of myself will have grace, kindness, and love for the worst version. Because that worst version is never going to fully go away.

And I need to learn to accept the imperfect self that will never be ideal. Maybe my highest self is the one that loves even the hard to love pieces of myself.